I can’t describe to you how beautiful it is to sit in my bath tub here, out under a million stars, totally hidden away from civilization (except lurking monkeys and lions, which the locals have just told me about, which has made me turn around nervously whenever I hear a rustle in the bushes). What a perfect time to continue reflecting on life, and pondering the beauty of God's creation!
But I’m not.
Why?
The truth is, I can’t stop thinking about the financial model I’m putting together on the eco-nomics of running an eco-lodge. I’ve built this beautiful model in excel, spitting out (in glorious colour) profit and loss statements, cash flow projections, balance sheet and graphs for the next twelve months – but it JUST WON’T BALANCE. There’s $6899.79 (US dollars) sitting somewhere in assets that should be in liabilities, or something. And it’s driving me crazy!
But what is driving me even more crazy is that I’m in one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever been to in my life – for free! – and I can’t stop thinking about work. The truth is, I’ll probably wake up tomorrow, do half an hour of checking and find the error; or even if I couldn’t, the owner wouldn’t care – he’d just be happy with the rest of the stuff we’re working on. But that doesn’t stop me from tossing and turning …
Upon reflection, I am learning something about myself; something I never thought would be true – I am a workaholic. And not proud of it. All is fine if everything’s going my way with work. But when there’s a nut I can’t crack, something eating at me; all I want to do is spend time at my laptop trying to fix it, even though the sun is shining, the water is calling to me (or is that the birds? Who can tell …), and I’m not really sure why.
Well, that’s not completely true. I have some idea why. Being in a completely different environment sheds new light on why you act the way you do. Here, I’m coming to realize that I operate best under pressure. And so, I look for ways to put pressure on myself, even when no one else is looking …
… what other interesting discoveries about me await me here in the wilderness? (hopefully discoveries of wild animals are not amongst these)
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